To be a goth on the inside, you don’t have to wear a lot of eyeliner or have sex in a cemetery. I’ve spent years ruminating on mortality and the meaninglessness of life, but in a lighthearted manner. My existence is like a loose garment on me! I’ll raise my arms and whirl and grin like I’m in a shampoo commercial when the cold hand of death arrives pointing its bony finger at me.
Listen, everyone lives and dies. Everything you’ve done, spoken, or been concerned about will be forgotten. You may even return as a different person, having forgotten about yourself. What I mean is that what makes life so amusing is how useless everything is! Isn’t it hilarious?
In This Article...
Aries: Jet-Ski Accident
When an Aries takes their last breath, you can expect they’ll do so quickly. Whether they die on a jet ski, a motorcycle, or in the middle of some very fast rebound sex, their death is sure to be a show-stopper; an Expiration Celebration, if you will. They will die like they lived: joyfully and without fear.
Taurus: Buried Alive
Taurus people are devoted to their possessions. We can’t say that we blame them. With their cherub cheeks, large eyes, and charming trinkets, they’re incredibly cute folks. They collect things like germs on a first-grader, and getting rid of them could take a reality TV team or perhaps an exorcism. Unless, of course, you’re too late and Taurus is discovered clutching a dead cat beneath a stack of dusty books and antique cooking spoons.
Gemini: Hands Bitten Off
Every astrological sign has a ruling bodily part. It’s the hands for Gemini. Geminis are naturally curious and want to touch things. If you take them to the zoo on a date, they’ll reach into the monkey house’s bars and have their hands ripped off. You can read this article while they bleed out. Do it as soon as possible, before their life force runs out. Geminis excel at multitasking, thus bleeding heavily while listening to a story will appeal to them. They’ll most likely appreciate the distraction.
Cancer: Falling Of The Roof, Yelling, I’LL FIX IT MYSELF!
Cancer, you’re far too reliant on yourself. I know you believe no one can match your abilities, but the truth is that many individuals can. There are many people who are far more capable than you.
Most likely, you’ll die attempting a task you’re not qualified to complete, such as patching a hole in your roof because “everyone is trying to rip you off,” or self-medicating mood stabilizers because “treatment is too expensive.” On the plus side, you can use the money you saved playing Mr. Fix-It to pay for your own funeral.
Leo: Hair Stuck In Subway Doors, Mid-Flirtatious Gesture
People may think you’re arrogant, but you’re not, Leo. You’re just incredibly attractive, and you’re well aware of it. But be wary of those lovely looks; recall how Narcissus drowned while admiring at his mirror in the water? You could have been the one. Nobody bothers to gaze at nature anymore.
You’re more likely to take a selfie while crossing an intersection or flip your lovely hair over your shoulder, directly into the subway car’s shutting doors. Isn’t it messy?
Virgo: Dies of Undiagnosable Stress-Rash
Virgo, are you uneasy? You certainly are! It’s not like anyone would notice. You’re not the sort to have an emotional breakdown. Virgos don’t wear their emotions on their sleeves; instead, they manifest as hives, migraines, or indigestion on the inside of their bodies. You’re not going to throw a tantrum like a child; instead, like an adult, you’ll bottle up your feelings and let them blossom into cancer.
Libra: Murder-Suicide Pact
Consider the love stories of Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, and Sid and Nancy. While these are all heartbreaking tales of love too precious for this harsh, cruel world, they all have one thing in common: everyone involved was insane and in desperate need of counseling.
Libra, love isn’t the only thing you require. You’ll also need rationality to avoid dying like a sad sack of garbage in a co-dependent narrative book that only teenagers can understand.
Scorpio: Just Suicide
There’s nothing surprising about this. Scorpios aren’t afraid of death. Indeed, death (in some form or another) appears to follow them around their entire lives. Personal transformation, loss, and near-death experiences are all examples of near-death experiences.
Scorpios understand that dying is the same as being reborn, thus they’re not afraid. It may be necessary to take matters into their own hands while waiting for Death to make a move that drives a Scorpio insane.
Sagittarius: Climbing Everest, Like An Idiot.
I know you like to travel and try new things, and I’m not trying to sour your lemonade, but there are some things you can do without jeopardizing your life. You can go to places where you won’t get typhoid, jungle hemorrhoids, or cold.
Not that you’ll listen to me when you’re in the middle of your next vision quest. No, you won’t be satisfied until you’ve been starved to the point of cannibalism, so we can all see the next movie about you dying on a mountain. You dunderhead. I can’t stand you for long.
Capricorn: Faked Death To See Who Shows Up To The Funeral, Results Cause Aneurysm
Capricorn, you must quit caring what others think of you. It will be your demise. We all wear a society mask, but the problem about masks is that they are visible to everyone. The sooner you admit to being the acceptance-deficient creature you are, the sooner you will receive the unconditional love you seek.
Alternatively, you may spend your entire life never believing anyone truly loves you and testing your theory by faking your own death. Regardless of how many people show up, the consequences will kill you.
Aquarius: Alone
My mother is a Pisces. She viewed the movie “Frida” after her divorce and decided that if she ever married again, her husband would have to have his own home. That’s not how marriage works, but who am I to put a stop to the ambitions of a revolutionary artist like Nanny Baker? I just hope she’s prepared to die alone, because I’m planning on dying before I turn 40.
Take note, Aquarians: your priceless independence will transform your existence into that of a wild and free horse. It could also make your dying feel lonely.
Pisces: As A Human Sacrifice
If you don’t like feeling like a doormat, it’s been stated that you should get off the floor, but it would require you to like, move, and stuff. Codependency, Pisces, is defined by an agreement to work harder on someone else’s problem than they do. It’s not love, but in some settings, such as treatment centers or 12-step programs, it can pass for it. You’re up for it! This manner, you can die as a massive martyr, as you have lived.
Step into your power, Pisces, and put it to good use. Otherwise, it will be claimed by someone else.
What is Aries’ fascination with death?
Death is Aries’ obsession. According to the astrological website Souled Out, Aries denotes death through fire. So, Aries, if you spend an excessive amount of time worrying about your death, the deaths of others, or the death of the planet, realize that this is perfectly natural for you.
What does it mean to be an Aries?
The season of Aries begins on March 21 and ends on April 19. Aries is the first sign of the zodiac calendar, and it represents youth and new beginnings. “Aries season is the season of beginning anew with the eagerness of a child,” Doss-Via explains. In the Northern Hemisphere, it also signals the start of spring, which “encourages us to bloom after a period of decline.”
What makes Aries so appealing?
Aries is the first zodiac sign according to astrology. If you were born between March 21 and April 21, you were born during the spring equinox. Aries are seductive when it comes to sex and romance because they exude confidence, even if they don’t feel it on the inside. The Ram does his or her own thing in a world of conformity. Aries is a doer, not a talker, which generates admiration and can be a strong draw for some.
What are the three Aries types?
Aries 1 persons (also known as “March Aries”) are hot, flaming balls of traditional Aries energy. Aries is a cardinal fire sign controlled by Mars, the action planet, and those born in the first part of the sign are ruled by Mars twice. Aries 1s are always running up that hill, either literally or symbolically (but typically literally). This is Aries, the pop star, the unvarnished opinion, and the wild youngster that is always making a scene. This Aries isn’t going to stop till they’ve won. Consider Lady Gaga during the Born This Way era, who pushed through ailments to give her best at every performance. These are the unstoppable combatants who cannot and will not be tamed.
Aretha Franklin, Sarah Jessica Parker, Keira Knightley, Mariah Carey, Diana Ross, Fergie, Lady Gaga, Reese Witherspoon, Elton John, Reba McEntire, and Chaka Khan are some famous Aries 1s.
Are Aries fighters?
Aries. Arians are fiery debaters who will get right to the point. They don’t give up easily either. Simply pause and count to ten before answering is something they can learn to help them with this.
What does a real Aries look like?
When it comes to facing obstacles, Aries people are bold and strong. They are really skilled and follow through on their promises. They enjoy trying new things. People born under the sign of Aries are passionate about everything. They are passionate about everything, from their love to their goals.
What are the fears of Aries?
Anyone born under the sign of Aries aspires to be the Alpha, therefore the prospect of someone opposing their authority or ability causes them immense distress. “Aries fears being wrong more than anything,” explains Athena Perrakis, PhD of Sage Goddess, “or being told what to do if what they are taught is inaccurate or conflicting with what Aries believes to be ‘right.” “This is a sign with a strict black-and-white policy and a low tolerance for ambiguity.” Aries are direct and decisive, like a general leading his troops into battle; if they are forced to second-guess themselves, their self-assurance and strength may crumble. However, no one is ever completely correct in our world. As a result, Aries will have to learn to recognize this and make changes within themselves. “This fear becomes a blessing if Aries can use it to realize that being right isn’t always the most essential thing.”
Aries has a lot of killers.
Serial killers in the Arab world are so predictable… or are they? First, none of them shared a common strategy, with only a few of the crimes being sexual in character. A firearm was the most preferred weapon of choice. Why, you could wonder, did several of them tell police they wanted to outdo their predecessors in terms of corpse count? Beating, strangling, burning, or anything else that can result in a high corpse count are examples of random violent acts. Not to mention the removal of a common trigger. Their murders were frequently callous, disorganized, and driven solely by the desire to be number onewhich is expected for an Aries.
Who is an Aries celebrity?
Those born under the sign of Aries are renowned to be outspoken and passionate. Aries is represented by Lady Gaga, Kourtney Kardashian, Paul Rudd, and Chance the Rapper.