Finding the right words to use while informing the people you care about that you have a serious or terminal illness is one of the most difficult tasks.
What say you? When will you inform them? And how do you broach difficult subjects like whether you want to be buried or cremated or whether you want life support removed?
You can be concerned about how loved ones will react and desire to shield them from the unfavorable reality. But, according to the specialists at Capital Caring, which provides daily services to more than 1,000 people in Washington, D.C. who have advanced illnesses Your loved ones should be aware of the neighborhood. Additionally, a lot of people discover relief after sharing their diagnosis with others.
So how do you spread the word about it? There is no one correct method. One can:
- Tell one close family or friend who you can trust, and ask them to tell the rest of your loved ones.
- Individual meetings with relatives and friends to discuss your health should be scheduled.
- Hold a “family meeting” to go over the information.
- To speak with your family or to be present with you while you do so, ask a doctor, nurse, or social worker.
How family members and other close friends will respond is impossible to foresee. Other people may cry, some people will become numb, and some people will be glad to step up and take the role of the “go-to helper.”
What can they do to help will be a common question. Telling them what it is if you are aware of it can prevent them from coming up with their own solutions, which may or may not be what you need. You could desire:
- When you’re having a particularly difficult day, have someone sit next to you and hold your hand.
- to discuss your condition and diagnosis a lot
- to discuss topics other than your ailment and diagnosis
- individuals who will encourage you to engage in your favorite activities
- Friends to assist you with the menial tasks of daily life, or in taking care of children or pets
In This Article...
What are the stages of cancer’s emotional impact?
Dealing with a Cancer Diagnosis in Five Stages
- Dealing is stage three.
- Sadness and depression are stages four.
- Stage 5: Acknowledgement.
How can you let a cancer patient know you are thinking of them?
The most crucial thing is to listen while speaking with a cancer patient. Try to hear and comprehend their feelings. Never mock, criticize, or attempt to influence how someone feels or behaves. Tell them you’re available for conversation whenever they want it. Or it’s fine if they don’t feel like speaking at that particular moment. When they’re prepared, you might offer to listen.
The cancer patient may occasionally appear furious, despondent, or withdrawing due to the uncertainty and worry. This is common and a natural part of the grieving process for those who have lost loved ones to cancer (things like health, energy, time). Most people are able to move on and adjust to their new reality in their life over time. To learn how to cope with the changes cancer has brought about in their lives, some people might require additional assistance from a support group or a mental health expert.
A person who has cancer could feel bad about what they did to trigger it. Others may make some people feel guilty by asking them if they ever did anything that might have contributed to their disease. This is known as stigma, and it sometimes causes cancer patients to blame themselves for getting sick or feel excluded, lonely, unhappy, and without a lot of support. Even their treatment strategy, quality of life, and potential for skipping out on follow-up care can all be impacted by it. Be reassuring and show that you care if someone feels ostracized because of their cancer diagnosis. Help them understand that while they can’t alter the past, they can still take control of their lives and their care both during treatment and beyond.
Some cancer patients may discuss mortality, worry about the future of themselves or their families, or discuss their other anxieties. Even if you don’t always have to answer, be prepared to hear about their suffering or any unsavory ideas they might want to offer. If someone asks your opinion on their condition, treatment, or other aspects of their cancer journey, be open and truthful but avoid attempting to provide information if you are unsure of the answer.
If you don’t know what to say to someone who has cancer, you’re not alone. It’s possible that you don’t know the individual well or that you’re close with them. Because there are so many different types of relationships at work, it might be more difficult. You may or may not be close friends with the person, depending on how well you know them.
The most crucial action you can take is to bring up the circumstance in a style that conveys your interest and care. You can offer support or offer words of encouragement. Sometimes the most impactful ways to show worry are the simplest. Additionally, there are instances when nothing more than listening is helpful.
Your response should be sincere and sincere. Here are a few concepts:
- I’m at a loss for words, but I just want you to know that I care.
- I’m sorry to learn about your situation.
- Hello and how are you?
- I’m available if you want to discuss it.
- Let me know how I can help, please.
- “I’ll think of you often.”
While it’s necessary to offer encouragement, it’s also crucial to avoid encouraging the cancer patient to maintain their positive outlook. These actions could give the impression that their very real worries, anxieties, or sad emotions are unimportant. It can be tempting to assert that you understand how they are feeling. Although you are aware that this is a difficult time, no one can truly understand how a cancer patient feels.
Humor can be a helpful coping mechanism. It may also be a different strategy for providing support and inspiration. This may be an excellent approach to decompress and step away from the more somber aspects of the circumstance. However, you should never make a joke unless you are certain the cancer patient will find it amusing and be able to handle it. Let the cancer patient take the initiative; it’s good for them to discover humor in a side effect, like as hair loss or an increase in appetite, and you can surely join them in a good chuckle.
Tell them whether they look decent! Avoid saying things like, “You’re looking pale,” or “You’ve lost weight,” when someone’s appearance isn’t as good. They most likely are highly aware of it, and if others make a comment about it, they can become embarrassed.
It’s usually safest to keep cancer-related stories concerning family members or friends to yourself. Because each person is unique, these stories might not be helpful. It is acceptable to tell them that you are familiar with cancer because you have experienced it with someone else instead. The conversation can continue from there.
How should I inform my aging parents that I have cancer?
It will be easier to navigate challenging talks if you are prepared. Spend some time considering how you feel, who you want to tell, how to tell them, and when to do so.
Figure Out How You Feel
Finding out how you feel is a fantastic starting step. Understanding your feelings enables you to manage your feelings and decide what kind of support you most need. When people inquire about how they can assist you, you will be more prepared to respond.
Grief over receiving a mesothelioma diagnosis at first may seem debilitating. You can feel numb, bewildered, despondent, or horrified. To acquire the emotional support you require, take some time to reflect on your sentiments before sharing them with your closest loved ones.
Determining Who to Tell
You get to choose who you share with. You’re not required to inform anyone you know.
Making a list of the people you wish to speak to in person could be useful. Then you can compile a fresh list of acquaintances and friends, and ask a friend or relative to inform them.
Consider who to notify at work if you are employed. You don’t have to inform your coworkers, but you might have to let them know that you could need time off from work due to a medical issue.
Consider When and Where
Consider the best time and location to inform your loved ones. It will be difficult for loved ones to get the news. You want to do it at the right moment and location.
If there is a preferred time and location for having such a conversation, you might wish to get in touch and let them know. They might be able to offer a place and time, and if not, you can come up with something on your own.
You are not required to inform everyone right away. You have time to consider your emotions. When you’re ready, let folks know.
Think About How You Want to Do It
Writing in a journal or considering how you wish to communicate with others may be helpful. Simply stating, “I have cancer,” at the beginning of a sentence is neither rude nor improper.
Discover what works for you by experimenting with various strategies. It’s acceptable if you experience emotional upheaval or require emotional or practical support.
How much you want to disclose is entirely up to you. You are not required to disclose every aspect of your diagnosis or course of therapy.
Consider who you are speaking to and whether you need to adjust your language. This is crucial when discussing cancer with kids or teenagers.
Should I disclose my cancer to my family?
Knowing the truth now is preferable for your family and friends than finding out later. They can be angry and hurt that they couldn’t help you if they learn about it later. If it’s unclear if your treatment will be effective, tell your family and friends.
How do you tell someone they have cancer?
Avoid using euphemisms and medical jargon; be direct yet kind. Allow for tears and silence; follow the patient’s pace. Ask the patient to explain how they interpreted the news, and then reiterate it at subsequent appointments. Give yourself enough time to respond to inquiries, record your thoughts, and offer written materials.
Why do people with cancer push you away?
Don’t try to personalize it. Remember that the patient is probably afraid about their diagnosis and therapy or frustrated by how they are feeling. They might be venting these feelings on individuals who are closest to them, but they most likely aren’t angry with you specifically. Try to discuss expectations and duties with the patient. When someone is ill, their typical place in the family may shift while they are receiving treatment. When they start therapy and when it ends, talk about how to handle those role adjustments.
Patients occasionally withdraw when they feel overburdened by the attention they get. Even when caregivers encourage patients to eat correctly, for instance, even though their intentions are good, the patient may feel under pressure and lose their sense of independence. Make sure you respect your loved ones’ limits and feelings if you’re a caregiver. Make an effort to comprehend the patient’s wishes. Have an open discussion about what they would like rather than presuming what they might need or want from you. Their requirements could vary from day to day. Asking “How can I be helpful today?” can be a good idea. (The sufferer could only want you to leave them alone.)
After having cancer, are you ever the same?
When a patient goes into remission, many people mistakenly feel that their battle with cancer is done. In reality, many of the challenges that survivors may face have just just begun. Cancer survivors may encounter a variety of difficulties, from emotional discomfort and trouble socializing to long-term physical side effects.
What is the most difficult aspect of cancer survivorship, CURE asked its readers in a recent #CureConnect social media conversation question on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram?
They discussed the following:
Because they have a higher chance of getting sick or are too ill to participate, some cancer patients are required to forgo social situations like work or school while undergoing treatment.
Others may have endured procedures for cancer treatment that altered their bodies and left them with new physical insecurities, making it difficult for them to return to dating or social situations with confidence.
Several cancer survivors highlighted how difficult it may be to restart these elements of life, regardless of the cause.
“My biggest challenge right now is feeling secure enough to enter the dating world again! Although it may seem unimportant in light of other difficulties, I believe many of us face this challenge. How can I explain to a new person that in addition to going through a serious health crisis, I also lost my breasts as a result of it? Amy S. posted on Facebook.
Tracy A. commented, “Reminds me of the cold comments a couple coworkers made while I was battling to come back to work, and still in radiation…’she should be used to how she feels by now,'” Tracy A. added to the discussion.
People who left comments echoed their frustration with others’ lack of comprehension of why they hadn’t yet gotten past their cancer experience.
Writing on Instagram, CURE Ambassador Lorelei Colbert said, “Mentally coming to terms with what you just went through while the outside world thinks you’re done now.
“You look fantastic every day,” someone exclaims. Dorothy C. wrote, “My thought is if I could only feel as good as I look, I’d be blessed.”
“Not being able to accomplish everything I could do before I was diagnosed with cancer. However, appearances can be deceiving, as Daphne S. pointed out.
One of the most frequent responses was “scanxiety,” or the concern that one’s cancer might return. This fear overwhelms and diverts many survivors from daily life.
“What if it comes back?” asks that niggling thought in the back of your head. Through Facebook, Ryan J. wrote.
Annual check-ups, Cindy J. added, “waiting for the other shoe to drop and the cancer to come back.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a condition that some readers, like Beth G., have mentioned, encounter after having cancer.
Vanessa R. stated, “That it’s always a part of you, every single day, and the fear of a recurrence hangs over you constantly.
Many cancer survivors reported that as a result of their cancer and/or treatment, they were left with difficult-to-manage side effects that interfere with their quality of life.
“I’d say the struggle to prioritize the effects of post-cancer. Since 2006, it has been an absolute uphill battle. A cancer sufferer will take any necessary measures to stay alive. For the past 16 years, I have been making an effort to manage. Jennifer O. commented on Instagram, “Every day is a struggle that I am forced to live with in continual pain in one form or another.”
“Due to the surgeries and treatments, your body is no longer the same. Penny B emphasized in one response that daily anxiety and worry never go away.
Others in the comments made explicit mention of the incapacitating adverse effects they encounter.
Currently, I am unable to flex my fingers, and my arms and legs are so rigid that I can hardly walk. The transplant helped me survive cancer, but it also has a ton of other drawbacks. My graft-versus-host disease is being treated with medications (GVHD). Since the transplant, my memory has essentially disappeared, and I also have GVHD in my eyes, mouth, and liver. Ruthie F said, “I’m glad I’m still here, but it’s incredibly difficult to function like way.”
Anette B., a metastatic breast cancer patient for 20 years, claimed that her main symptoms are excessive fatigue and memory/focus problems.
Christine L. brought up in a remark “the lifetime adverse effects from therapies, that nobody informs you about and few oncologists seem to care (or know) about.
After chemo stops, “Chemo brain/brain fog doesn’t go away,” wrote Mel A.J.
And fearing that it will eventually result in dementia.
Finally, several cancer survivors described their conflicted feelings of survivor’s guilt, in which they felt delighted and happy to be in remission but yet feeling guilty for surviving when others did not and confused as to why they appeared to have the luck of the draw.
Survivor remorse. 11 years ago today, I discovered the lump. My neighbor and close friend got it three years ago and didn’t make it, but I have, said Jodie E.
Some survivors gave others encouragement and guidance on how to maintain a positive attitude in the face of challenges.
“I am so grateful and fortunate to be here with my family and friends. I constantly remind myself that there are people who are less fortunate, stated Jennifer C.
It actually never ends, but you must persevere, take things as they are, smile, and try to live your life to the fullest! I’m doing that now! Dorothy K. remarked
Many individuals, according to several cancer survivors, are unable to comprehend any of the sentiments made regarding life after cancer.
Everyone believes that once you complete therapy, you are cured, and your life returns to normal, but this is far from the truth. Judy V.D.B. commented that life would never be the same again.
how cancer feels in the body?
Many cancer patients experience sadness. They experience a sense of loss regarding their health as well as the life they led before to learning they had the condition. You can continue to feel depressed after your treatment is over. This is a typical reaction to any severe sickness. Working through and accepting all of the changes that are occurring could take some time.
You can feel exhausted, have little energy, or not want to eat while you’re depressed. These emotions may fade or weaken with time for some people. However, these feelings could intensify for certain people. The unpleasant emotions persist and interfere with day-to-day existence. This can indicate that you’re depressed. Some people are unaware that depression is a treatable medical illness. Some people’s experiences with cancer treatment may have made this issue worse by altering how their brains function.
Getting Help for Depression
Depression is treatable. The symptoms of depression are listed below. Consult your doctor about treatment options if you experience any of the following symptoms for longer than two weeks. It’s crucial to discuss these symptoms with your doctor because some of them may be caused by medical issues.
emotional symptoms
- persistently depressing emotions
- feeling numb on the inside
- feeling uneasy or trembling
- a sense of guilt or of unworthiness
- feeling as though life has no purpose or being powerless or forlorn
- feeling irritable and depressed
- having trouble focusing and feeling disoriented
- sobbing frequently or for extended periods of time
- concentrating on concerns and issues
- no longer interested in the pastimes and pursuits you once loved
- finding it difficult to enjoy simple pleasures like food or time spent with family and friends
- Considering harming oneself
- Considering murdering oneself
the body changes
- unplanned weight gain or loss that isn’t connected to a condition or treatment
- issues with sleep, such as difficulty falling asleep, nightmares, or sleeping too much
- rapid heartbeat, dry mouth, increased sweating, gastrointestinal distress, and diarrhea
- variations in energy
- an ongoing feeling of tiredness
- other aches and symptoms besides headaches
Your doctor might prescribe medication to help you feel less tense if they suspect you are depressed. They could also suggest additional specialists to you. Don’t feel like you need to manage these emotions by yourself. It’s crucial for your life and health that you receive the assistance you require.