To be a goth on the inside, you don’t have to wear a lot of eyeliner or have sex in a cemetery. I’ve spent years ruminating on mortality and the meaninglessness of life, but in a lighthearted manner. My existence is like a loose garment on me! I’ll raise my arms and whirl and grin like I’m in a shampoo commercial when the cold hand of death arrives pointing its bony finger at me.
Listen, everyone lives and dies. Everything you’ve done, spoken, or been concerned about will be forgotten. You may even return as a different person, having forgotten about yourself. What I mean is that what makes life so amusing is how useless everything is! Isn’t it hilarious?
In This Article...
Aries: Jet-Ski Accident
When an Aries takes their last breath, you can expect they’ll do so quickly. Whether they die on a jet ski, a motorcycle, or in the middle of some very fast rebound sex, their death is sure to be a show-stopper; an Expiration Celebration, if you will. They will die like they lived: joyfully and without fear.
Taurus: Buried Alive
Taurus people are devoted to their possessions. We can’t say that we blame them. With their cherub cheeks, large eyes, and charming trinkets, they’re incredibly cute folks. They collect things like germs on a first-grader, and getting rid of them could take a reality TV team or perhaps an exorcism. Unless, of course, you’re too late and Taurus is discovered clutching a dead cat beneath a stack of dusty books and antique cooking spoons.
Gemini: Hands Bitten Off
Every astrological sign has a ruling bodily part. It’s the hands for Gemini. Geminis are naturally curious and want to touch things. If you take them to the zoo on a date, they’ll reach into the monkey house’s bars and have their hands ripped off. You can read this article while they bleed out. Do it as soon as possible, before their life force runs out. Geminis excel at multitasking, thus bleeding heavily while listening to a story will appeal to them. They’ll most likely appreciate the distraction.
Cancer: Falling Of The Roof, Yelling, I’LL FIX IT MYSELF!
Cancer, you’re far too reliant on yourself. I know you believe no one can match your abilities, but the truth is that many individuals can. There are many people who are far more capable than you.
Most likely, you’ll die attempting a task you’re not qualified to complete, such as patching a hole in your roof because “everyone is trying to rip you off,” or self-medicating mood stabilizers because “treatment is too expensive.” On the plus side, you can use the money you saved playing Mr. Fix-It to pay for your own funeral.
Leo: Hair Stuck In Subway Doors, Mid-Flirtatious Gesture
People may think you’re arrogant, but you’re not, Leo. You’re just incredibly attractive, and you’re well aware of it. But be wary of those lovely looks; recall how Narcissus drowned while admiring at his mirror in the water? You could have been the one. Nobody bothers to gaze at nature anymore.
You’re more likely to take a selfie while crossing an intersection or flip your lovely hair over your shoulder, directly into the subway car’s shutting doors. Isn’t it messy?
Virgo: Dies of Undiagnosable Stress-Rash
Virgo, are you uneasy? You certainly are! It’s not like anyone would notice. You’re not the sort to have an emotional breakdown. Virgos don’t wear their emotions on their sleeves; instead, they manifest as hives, migraines, or indigestion on the inside of their bodies. You’re not going to throw a tantrum like a child; instead, like an adult, you’ll bottle up your feelings and let them blossom into cancer.
Libra: Murder-Suicide Pact
Consider the love stories of Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, and Sid and Nancy. While these are all heartbreaking tales of love too precious for this harsh, cruel world, they all have one thing in common: everyone involved was insane and in desperate need of counseling.
Libra, love isn’t the only thing you require. You’ll also need rationality to avoid dying like a sad sack of garbage in a co-dependent narrative book that only teenagers can understand.
Scorpio: Just Suicide
There’s nothing surprising about this. Scorpios aren’t afraid of death. Indeed, death (in some form or another) appears to follow them around their entire lives. Personal transformation, loss, and near-death experiences are all examples of near-death experiences.
Scorpios understand that dying is the same as being reborn, thus they’re not afraid. It may be necessary to take matters into their own hands while waiting for Death to make a move that drives a Scorpio insane.
Sagittarius: Climbing Everest, Like An Idiot.
I know you like to travel and try new things, and I’m not trying to sour your lemonade, but there are some things you can do without jeopardizing your life. You can go to places where you won’t get typhoid, jungle hemorrhoids, or cold.
Not that you’ll listen to me when you’re in the middle of your next vision quest. No, you won’t be satisfied until you’ve been starved to the point of cannibalism, so we can all see the next movie about you dying on a mountain. You dunderhead. I can’t stand you for long.
Capricorn: Faked Death To See Who Shows Up To The Funeral, Results Cause Aneurysm
Capricorn, you must quit caring what others think of you. It will be your demise. We all wear a society mask, but the problem about masks is that they are visible to everyone. The sooner you admit to being the acceptance-deficient creature you are, the sooner you will receive the unconditional love you seek.
Alternatively, you may spend your entire life never believing anyone truly loves you and testing your theory by faking your own death. Regardless of how many people show up, the consequences will kill you.
Aquarius: Alone
My mother is a Pisces. She viewed the movie “Frida” after her divorce and decided that if she ever married again, her husband would have to have his own home. That’s not how marriage works, but who am I to put a stop to the ambitions of a revolutionary artist like Nanny Baker? I just hope she’s prepared to die alone, because I’m planning on dying before I turn 40.
Take note, Aquarians: your priceless independence will transform your existence into that of a wild and free horse. It could also make your dying feel lonely.
Pisces: As A Human Sacrifice
If you don’t like feeling like a doormat, it’s been stated that you should get off the floor, but it would require you to like, move, and stuff. Codependency, Pisces, is defined by an agreement to work harder on someone else’s problem than they do. It’s not love, but in some settings, such as treatment centers or 12-step programs, it can pass for it. You’re up for it! This manner, you can die as a massive martyr, as you have lived.
Step into your power, Pisces, and put it to good use. Otherwise, it will be claimed by someone else.
How do Tauruses deal with death?
Taurus has a problem with vulnerability, and they often react to loss with rage and hostility because they take it so personally. Taurus is always looking for a sense of security. For the Taurus, attending funerals and meeting the departed in person is distressing and forces them to confront the reality of loss.
Is Taurus a life or death situation?
Taureans are tenacious, dependable, patient, and determined. When they commit to someone, they will always be there for them, regardless of the repercussions. Taurus will be there for you whether there is a death in the family or you have received a promotion at work.
They do everything they can to make you feel better if you’re frustrated and overwhelmed. When things grow difficult, confusing, or even hazardous, they don’t leave.
How do Tauruses cope with breakups?
Taurus is known for being the zodiac’s most stubborn sign. There is no turning back once the bull has made up their mind. When it comes to love, though, this Venus-ruled sign is a true romantic. There will always be a small part of Taurus who misses their ex, no matter how horrible things were at the end or how things appear on the outside post-breakup. Taurus would most likely regret breaking up with three zodiac signs, according to astrologers.
Taurus is a fixed sign, which means they respect consistency and find change to be unsettling. Taurus finds it difficult to let go of anyone, particularly a lousy spouse, because of this. Their minds, according to Crystal B, become focused on concepts, and it takes them some time to break free from them.
Taurus, on the other hand, likes to proclaim they’re finished with someone once and for all. Taurus doesn’t usually regret quitting a relationship, according to astrologer Michelle Welch, because of their calm and meticulous reasoning process. Bulls are more likely to stay in relationships that aren’t functioning than to end them prematurely.
Certain relationships, on the other hand, will last a lifetime. These are the three zodiac signs Taurus will regret breaking up with, no matter how hard they try to forget them.
What is the best way to console a Taurus?
Taurus, as the sign that oversees the five senses, requires physical comfort. Hugs, kisses, cuddles, and any other tangible display of love and support are all considered positive by this sign.
How do the majority of Sagittarius die?
Sagittarius is known for having strong opinions, which can frequently lead to something terrifying and horrible. They’ll almost certainly get into an online fight, which could lead to their untimely death.
Scorpios are dreaded for a reason.
Many people are apprehensive about revealing their genuine self to others, but none more so than the Scorpio. “Scorpio is afraid of being entirely exposed, because “within every Scorpio lies a certain darkness that overwhelms even them,” according to Perrakis. “Scorpio is the zodiac’s darkest sign because they aren’t scared to delve into the depths of their own or others’ souls.” While Scorpios have a wide range of emotions, they are wary of communicating their deepest feelings with others for fear of being labeled as strange or sad. Scorpios frequently fear that no one will completely understand them, so they isolate themselves. However, no one’s life is flawless. When a Scorpio realizes that they can relate to the experiences of others, they will blossom as individuals. (According to your zodiac sign, this is the ideal pastime for you.)
What are Scorpios’ feelings about death?
Scorpio is a serious person when it comes to death. After all, this is someone she was close to and who she had lost. She, too, is grieving deeply and will express her sorrow by sobbing, sharing favorite memories, and receiving plenty of love from friends and family.
She wants to draw those who are still alive closer to her because she has recently lost someone close to her. While Scorpio is a mourner, she is also a survivor with a strong determination. She is more resilient to sorrow and death than most other signs.
She doesn’t think she’ll be able to shrug it off after a few days, but she does believe that life is worth living and that the people she’s lost are alive through her in some manner, so she might as well enjoy it.
How can Taurus maintain his health?
Taurus nutrition Many of you have struggled with your weight throughout your lives. You should eat a low-fat, low-sugar, and low-starch diet. To keep your thyroid gland functioning properly, include natural iodine and a pinch of iodized salt in your diet. Salads and fresh fruits should be part of your daily diet.